Minor Confession Thread

Grandma Stampie got hearing aids with blue tooth to connect to her phone.  Usually at least a couple of times she'll set her phone down on a surface and then wander away because she can hear you just fine.  I then have to say "You're walking away from your phone because I can't hear you."

Today she added to it with asking me "Well the speaker is on the top right?"  Yes.  I hear some shuffling and then a muffled "can you hear me now I put it in my pocket with the speaker out?"  Mom you need the microphone out. "Oh right."

My minor confession is I find these conversations funny.

I have 2 people that I am connected to on LinkedIn that I know are dead and I just can't bring myself to dropping them. One of them is (one of) my college room mate(s) and he died over 10 years ago. It's not like I think he is going to message me but I don't want to close that door to his memory.

In reply to NY Nick :

I suspect that's not an unusual reaction

I am dailying an 03 Ford Exploder. It's bone stock. I have been having thoughts about making mild changes to it to make it better for winter commuting. 

I'm really tempted to try these just to see. I mean, how bad can they be? They'll be better than an all season, and it's not like we get much snow. Worst case, I can put them on my utility trailer if they're that bad.

I'm happy with the snows I bought for my car this year, but since PW's new car takes the same size, I was going to buy the same or another highly rated but reasonably priced snow for hers. Instead, I can just give her mine, buy those, and fulfill my morbid curiosity.

And just wondering. See the number? Are these the same tire?

Not sure if this belongs in here, the rant thread, or the TIL thread. I think Tunawife is asexual.

In reply to tuna55 :

That's challenging, and being out of tune is unfortunate. It's difficult to share a relationship you feel could be more intimate when the other party doesn't see that as a bonus.  Especially when you're of moderate age and could enjoy many more years of a happy sex life.

You have my sympathy.  We spent most of our lives decently in sync that way, fortunately, but as we've aged, DW's libido has slowed considerably while mine remains approximately the same. She's amenable to sex, but it isn't high on her agenda, and she no longer initiates it.  As a result, I feel our relationship has lost a dimension it could still potentially have.

Duke said:

In reply to tuna55 :

That's challenging, and being out of tune is unfortunate. It's difficult to share a relationship you feel could be more intimate when the other party doesn't see that as a bonus.  Especially when you're of moderate age and could enjoy many more years of a happy sex life.

You have my sympathy.  We spent most of our lives decently in sync that way, fortunately, but as we've aged, DW's libido has slowed considerably while mine remains approximately the same. She's amenable to sex, but it isn't high on her agenda, and she no longer initiates it.  As a result, I feel our relationship has lost a dimension it could still potentially have.

 

Thanks.

It's more interesting than even that. The ramifications are permanent, unchangeable and dark. I'd rather not expand more here, but we could via Email if you want. I am sympatheic to your situation too. I don't like problems which don't have solutions.

In reply to tuna55 :

Oof.

I feel very fortunate to not have these problems. I definitely have the stronger sex drive in my relationship. But the wife and I have been putting effort into making things better, and my wife has had an increase desire for sex and satisfaction in the quality of sex we've been having.

I would recommend the book 'Mating in Captivity' by Esther Perel, as well as any of her talks that can be found online. Her philosophy is not exactly radical, but certainly unorthodox. She clearly does not believe in one-size-fits-all and similary does *not* lay out any kind of step-by-step guides or make any promises of "do this to fix your relationship". The book does offer a lot of interesting case studies of different relationship dynamics that you can get ideas from and apply insights to one's individual relationship. Be aware that she is very non-judgmental and talks candidly about things like kinks and infidelity.

Don't know how old you and your wife are, but my wife also got a lot out of 'Great Sex Starts at 50'.

Having looked into things like this, one major takeaway on the idea that the stereotype of women not being as interested in sex as men is false. That instead, women are actually more likely to have a greater desire for sexual excitement and novelty which ends up not being met in a committed relationship. They then get bored and men interpret this as disinterest.

You've shared some of your frustrations here, but I'm not going to pretend to really know or understand. I think everyone deserves a healthy and fulfilling sex life though.

Feel free to PM me, if you think that might be able to help. I know we have different philosophies on many points, and that what might work for you is not going to look like what's worked for us.

Beer Baron said:

In reply to tuna55 :

Oof.

I feel very fortunate to not have these problems. I definitely have the stronger sex drive in my relationship. But the wife and I have been putting effort into making things better, and my wife has had an increase desire for sex and satisfaction in the quality of sex we've been having.

I would recommend the book 'Mating in Captivity' by Esther Perel, as well as any of her talks that can be found online. Her philosophy is not exactly radical, but certainly unorthodox. She clearly does not believe in one-size-fits-all and similary does *not* lay out any kind of step-by-step guides or make any promises of "do this to fix your relationship". The book does offer a lot of interesting case studies of different relationship dynamics that you can get ideas from and apply insights to one's individual relationship. Be aware that she is very non-judgmental and talks candidly about things like kinks and infidelity.

Don't know how old you and your wife are, but my wife also got a lot out of 'Great Sex Starts at 50'.

Having looked into things like this, one major takeaway on the idea that the stereotype of women not being as interested in sex as men is false. That instead, women are actually more likely to have a greater desire for sexual excitement and novelty which ends up not being met in a committed relationship. They then get bored and men interpret this as disinterest.

You've shared some of your frustrations here, but I'm not going to pretend to really know or understand. I think everyone deserves a healthy and fulfilling sex life though.

Feel free to PM me, if you think that might be able to help. I know we have different philosophies on many points, and that what might work for you is not going to look like what's worked for us.

Thanks. I'll send you a note. Maybe send more whiskey 

I'm not sure any help exists, it seems essentially a hopeless and permanent impasse. 

In reply to tuna55 :

If you want to discuss it offline, please do PM me.

Duke said:

In reply to tuna55 :

You have my sympathy.  We spent most of our lives decently in sync that way, fortunately, but as we've aged, DW's libido has slowed considerably while mine remains approximately the same. She's amenable to sex, but it isn't high on her agenda, and she no longer initiates it.  As a result, I feel our relationship has lost a dimension it could still potentially have.

If you want to e-mail me, my ideas and experiences are more likely to be applicable to your situation than Tuna's. Might be able to give you some ideas/inspiration.

New Bluey episodes dropped today on Disney+.
 

Not only was I super excited for them - and throw in a snow day to make it the perfect day for it - 3 of the new episodes brought me to tears. 

mtn said:

New Bluey episodes dropped today on Disney+.
 

Not only was I super excited for them - and throw in a snow day to make it the perfect day for it - 3 of the new episodes brought me to tears. 

That's fantastic news! We're scheduled for freezing rain and ice tonight and tomorrow, so our standard Saturday father-son shenanigans won't be happening.

And yeah, they'll do that from time to time.

In reply to tuna55 :

There are solutions, but you don't want to explore them. You mentioned it here a few times over the years. You are guilted  into living up to your commitments  (ie: no divorce) based on your beliefs, while giving her a pass on hers. It's a no win situation and a lousy place to be, but will not magically change somehow. Both sides need to want it to change, and work on that change.  

NY Nick said:

I have 2 people that I am connected to on LinkedIn that I know are dead and I just can't bring myself to dropping them. One of them is (one of) my college room mate(s) and he died over 10 years ago. It's not like I think he is going to message me but I don't want to close that door to his memory.

It's even stranger on FB. I see "x likes this company" and he's been dead for 2 years. I'm pretty sure he didn't click on that.

In reply to Steve_Jones :

I get some of those, then somewhat funnier/darker are suggesting I invite friends to one of my survivor groups. 

It's cold as berkeley outside so instead of doing chores, I stayed inside, drank scotch and made weird AI art

I cleaned up the Z front valance and installed three missing bolts.  

Thirty minutes to line it all up and doing one bolt twice since I forgot the washer but deep down I love every minute of it.  Thirty minutes.....

In reply to Datsun240ZGuy :

I knew that Z found the right owner.

Antihero said:

It's cold as berkeley outside so instead of doing chores, I stayed inside, drank scotch and made weird AI art

I read that as Weird Al art. 
 

In reply to tuna55 :

Sorry to hear that.  I am guessing you've already been through the usual culprits of birth control or SSRI meds, so I wish you luck.

Woody (Forum Supportum) said:

Antihero said:

It's cold as berkeley outside so instead of doing chores, I stayed inside, drank scotch and made weird AI art

I read that as Weird Al art. 
 

And now I'm gonna do Weird AI art of Weird Al

Woody (Forum Supportum) said:

Antihero said:

It's cold as berkeley outside so instead of doing chores, I stayed inside, drank scotch and made weird AI art

I read that as Weird Al art. 
 

In reply to tuna55 :

Seeing as I might be one of the only middle-aged women knocking around here, I'm going to suggest another avenue to explore: menopause, or at least perimenopause, which usually starts in your 40s.

Honestly, this might not even have occurred to your wife, because menopause is still under-researched, poorly understood even by OB-GYNs and primary care physicians, and not really discussed among women ourselves (although that's changing rapidly, owing to social media and the fact that the large Millennial cohort is advancing into middle age).

You might suggest a book like The Menopause Manifesto to her, or even flip through it yourself. I'd suggest the same for any of you guys who might be like what the heck has gone wrong with my wife. [Note: ex-librarian here, so if that one doesn't strike her fancy I have more recommendations]

(Also willing to take questions by DM; this is my thesis area of research, for one, and for two, I'm quite sure there are men who have questions but don't know who to ask or where to start, and certainly do not want to approach their wives about it mid–hot flash)

Good luck and I hope it turns out for the best.